wake up
bath
eat brunch
watch tv
eat dinner
watch tv
go online
watch tv
read newspaper
eat supper or go mamak
bath
sleep

thats my daily routine for almost 2 weeks.

can anyone be more pathetic than me.

i need a life.

you

i am so mentally tortured.
no kidding.
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

suddenly i feel like serenading,
i shall name it
"YOU YOU and YOU"

T.T i dearly miss you. in my sleep i dream of you. when i eat i think of you. when i drink i think of you. when i'm alone i think and misses u. every corner i sit i think of u. every laughter i thought of you. everyday i want to be with you. every hour i want to listen to you. every minute i'm worried about you. every second i'm thinking of you. Bits and pieces of my heart belongs to you. My feelings are all of you. My passion is about you. My hobby is loving you. i hate lying to you but sometimes its all for you. i can sacrifise all for you. i can fulfill all you want for you. i want to be there for you, no matter where or when, as long its for you. my brain is all of you. my heart cherish you. my memories are all about you. I live because of you. people ask me to avoid you, i told them "fuck you!". my world spins because of you. my clock ticks because of you. i want to protect you. i want to hold you. i want to keep u safe. i want to keep you warm. i cry because of you. i live because of you. i eat because of you. i drink because of you. i breathe because of you. i smile because of you. i'm sad because of you. i'm tortured because of you. i work because of you. i want to succeed because of you. my love is only towards you. i can die for you. I sworn my love to you. i want to be there for you. because all i want is YOU.

your love is amazing.

you changed me to be a better person. you made me a wise person. you encourge me to be successful. you motivates me to do my best. you teach me to be independent. you loved me which makes my life perfect. you cared for me. you worried about me. but you used me. you make me love you. you made me confused. you made me go mad. but, you did it because of me. you steal my heart. you rob my feelings. you give me strength. you give me hope. you give me faith. you make me strong. you, the one who gives me the will to carry on. but, why are you 'breaking' all of it? why?

I'm all out of love.
I'm so lost without you.
I'm all alone.

all i want is just to continue my studies and let me finish it..
it that so hard?

move on.

the pursuit of happiness...
HOW?

truth

每個人看待事物,都不可能站在絕對客觀公正的立場上,而是或多或少地戴上有色眼鏡,用自己的經驗、好惡和 道德標準來進行評判,結果就是——我們看到了假像。

all is left, memories, i shall cherish..
people's judgment always belongs to people..
when the perception is there,
they will believe what they want to believe..
no matter how hard you try to convince..

i will not give up, because i know i have not did anything wrong to any of them. in the end, it is their choice.

when someone do something bad, they even can be very happy and lucky, but god will punish them, maybe not now, its just only matter a of time. they will pay for what they did.

Life has to go on.

I'm tired.
Mentally tired.
Physically tired.
Really tired.
Tired of fighting.
Tired of "killings".
I give up.
Whoever wants to win, you win.
Whatever, I don't care anymore.
I want to find a place to lean on, sleep peacefully.

Despair.
Why trouble always "defined" me.

I want my life back.

I want my friends back.
got to admit, i miss JMMKJ, i miss Point 3's, a lot a lot

I want to go back to the life I have back in Taylors.

I am in hell.

How am I suppose to focus when all the bullshit going on?

WHAT DO YOU ALL WANT FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF GOD HAS EYES! HAS EARS!!
THEN LOOOK! AT ME!! LISTEN TO ME!!!
SEE HOW PATHETIC I AM!!
LISTEN HOW SUFFERING I AM!!!
WHAT HAVE I DID WRONG!!
WHY IS ALL THIS HAPPENING TO ME!!
WHY ME!!! WHY!!!!

i must be strong, independent. HELOO!!! i'm a human!! for god sake!! not ROBOT!!!! even robot has a ON OFF switch!
I'm in a WAR, all by myself, alone, what do you expect more from me???!!

i'm so gonna sick soon, having real headache now..
having a sprain neck..
someone... save me

there is up and down in life, obstacle in life,
but its just to "heavy"... for me to bear..

too heavy :..(
I'm out of tears to cry
I surrender.

story

Below are the words:

what
just for the sake
don't know
why
stupid
confusion
jeopardize
idiot
denial
disappointment
sad
pathetic
affection
confidence
promise
paradise
respect
love
usefulness
capability
appreciation
nothing
blame
worth?
care
concern
silent
lonely
impressed
fail
hope
blank
mountain
climb
trust
sacrifice
advice
forgive
forget
everything
nothing
realize
late?
hatred
anger
disbelief
absence
spare
happy
to loved
to be love
to care
relationship
bullshit
outsider
stranger
want
wish
no one
stars
dust
sarcastic
heavy
hurts
kills
convenience
fame
money
not to be seen
ego
feelings
give up
harm
protect
mean?
dream
you
successful
lie
but
me
feel good
motive
encouragement
important
true
depress
slave
there
me
none
believe
I'm
trouble?
heart
pain
as
knife
stabs
reality
realistic
but
can't
afford
brave
face
again
fake
untrue
tried
mask
cheated
don't matter
money
truth
unbelievable
loyalty
belonged
gap
calculative
sensitive
not shown
always
strong
keen
pretend
sincerely
but
end?
background
ok
too generous
rubbish
useless
worthless
illogical
unexplainable
exploit

i hope what is happening is not true, but is that called self-denial? must there be a wall, gap in between? i think because i'm stubborn enough not to believe. because, its all my fault.

from the words and sentences above, form a story, because it is my story.
tell me if you have form one, if u formed correctly, TGI Friday on me :)

I'm so confused, i don't know what to do, all this while everything i've seen are so untrue, everything i believe are so untrue, everything i wanted to be seems so impossible, i don't know what had happened, i truly can't believe.

maybe i'm still too naive, i thought i'm strong, keen, wise enough, but i'm not. So not. in the end, I'm nothing but just an ordinary college student which is so not focus.

I sacrifise so much, which i always tell myself it is worth anything in the world, but in the end, not only its worthless, its totally useless... i have no expectation, is that wrong?

I want to learn, willing to learn, i thought I was given the chance, again I'm wrong.
I was once very proud of what I've been given, felt so lucky, proud.. the feeling is like.. "OH! FINALLY" but now.. its just another big slap of the face.. and also time to put my head into my ASSHOLE!
Help me!

so ironic :(