C h a p t e r 119

my teacher used to tell me..
in this world..
when u do something..
good.. don't expect something in return
bad.. do expect something worse
i always keep that in mind..
and i think today what i have become has prove it..
i am proud of what i have in me..
she influence me.. and thank god she influenced me

one more thing she said to me..
is that..
what u give, not everyone can "apply" it
hmm.. maybe its hard to catch the meaning..

but i sure do know what is she trying tell to me..
in life,
you might think for other people,
you might act what people want u to do,
you might go according to one's wishes not thinking of what ur ownself want,
you might making decision on based on ur feeling not the face,
you might help others without thinking what trouble u will cause to yourself,
you might just go with the 'flow' without knowing the 'current' might sank ur ship,
you might try to do things that pleased other people not urself,
you might telling all those white lies to calm people down, but afraid the lies 'leaks' and get into hot water..
you might take all the blame, in the end people would call u stupid,
you might choose to ignore, but in the end truth hurts more than anyone expected,
you might tell the truth, but hurting others might cost more than everything you had,
you might be cool at times, still u still need a company,
you might think one is all u can trust and one can just betray u,
you might always be the first to show up, but does the other might do that also?
you might think it is ok, but actually it is not ok,
you might need to hear the truth sometimes, but not everyone will tell,
you might telling yourself 'nvrmind'.. but actually u cared a lot
you might say 'its ok'.. but u got hurt so much,
you might laugh but inside it is the totally different situation,
you might be emo at times, but actually u don't know what are u emo-ing about,
you might want someone to be at urside, because u just want someone at urside,
you might want to show you cared in a indirect way, but one can be too stupid to realize..
you might want to prove u are not like that, but second chance was taken away,
you might want to change the past, hope to do better in the future, but when people keep taking about the pass, it 'haunts' and it feel just terrible,
you might want to make someone happy but one just don't appreciate it,
you might just want to be good and show who you really are, show you really care, but cold shoulder give by one might just stab you in the heart.

sometimes, things happen... and it happens..
and it just happens without u knowing why, how, what, when..
at last, u will end up saying 'wtf'

haha.. sorry,
when i wrote this, it JUST happens..