=(

i've always keeps thing to myself..
its not that i have no one to talk to or what..
its because it's an embarrassment and i don't know if i speak out,
what will others might think..

today i speak here,
because today was my result day..
of course.. if u see till now.. u will know what had happen
yes.. i failed one of my subjects.. LAW..
i am so not satisfied with the results because the australian thinks that my lecturer here gave us too much of marks and too easy to get high marks.. so they re-evaluate the whole thing..
in the end.. they fail me

of course.. i felt very very sad and was really damn dissapointed ..
it is because this subject.. i have the most confident to pass it.. because i've already got 30/40% in the first half.. impossible i got only 10% for my finals right????
i was like WTF!!! when i got my results..
eventually i got a D in my MKT and CR in both MGT and BES..
but what is for!! no matter what i get, everything HD or what so ever.. as long as there is a fail in one of the subjects..
i'm dead!
i rather get all just pass!!

well as usual.. i will ask mic to check for me..
i was like stunned for a few seconds when i knew it..
the feeling was like... sudden coldness in the body and just stun!
i know last time i've fail before math and stats..
but this time is totally different..
for math and stats.. somehow i've got the premonition..
but not law..
and for the last semester.. i am really s t u d y i n g!

i've told myself that i must do well in uni, especially in the 1st semester,
because i want to prove to my dad that he doesnt want to come up a sen to let me continue studies is his worst decision, and must let my own family other relatives not look down on me anymore.. but now, i feel like total useless.. i feel like banging my stupid to the wall! i also know that my mother will also be very dissapointed in me =(
i seriouslly have been studying for finals like i never study before in semester one..
not playing a fool.. and all i want is just pass everything..
i dont expect any D or HD.. just pass is all i need..

i serioully don't know what to do now..
except.. keep thinking about my results and am i be able to appeal
a lot of people told me to move on and not think too much... but its not easy
but what more can i do?
i am very dissapointed on myself... very sad.. very frusrated.. very scared...very angry
but, it has already happened...
i know what are the obstacle i will face... even worst to come.. but still, what more can i do? i am so not ready.. but i HAVE TO BE ready

thanks a lot for those who shows their concerns
i will do my best to appeal.. and really hope everything goes well..
hmm =(

till now, i'm still wondering whether i should tell my sister and parents..

A)if i tell them.. i'm not in hot soup.. but in an erupting volcano..
and things will be very very very very uglyyy
everything will change.. in a negative way

B)if i dont tell them.. which means tell them i pass everything
everything will be fine between me and my family
but i have to keep all the problems to myself.. settle it asap
and gotta fork out a lot of money to retake.. which means i have to work not just weekend, but weekdays also.. no more holidays planning for me =(
gotta be very careful with my words so that i will not be caught up

i think i will go for plan B...
haiz =(

i would really appreciated if.. what i've wrote here in my blog.. remains here.. thats also a sign of respect to my privacy..
thank you