now i do understand why people always said,

"woman always speaks the otherwise from their heart"

yea, whenever i feel down with something personal, i will say "F* it la!" "i don't care la" "not my problem" "y should i be so stupid" "don't bother" "whatever la!"

but actually i do care, and i care a lot.. i feel damn depressed whenever i think about it.. and i keeps appearing on my mind, the more i don't wanna care, the more it flashes back, everything and everywhere, there's memory.. i will just automatically think about it.. and sometimes, i will become so so sensitive...

November 2nd, the most depressed day of my life... the start of a emotion torturing life..

well, i need to really apologize to my mom coz sometimes memories reflects back, i get really really moody, my temper is way OUT! sigh

i need a getaway! but i am in debt, can't afford to go far away, i really really wanted to go to langkawi with Ju and the gang.. i wanna follow richard to pangkor.. i wanna follow ckk to bali.. i wanna go singapore to meet up my cousins.. i wanna go back to redang! but my pocket is severely bleeding already.. and i need a job to pay my fees..

i sleep 12 hours a day, but still i'm very very tired..
smile and laugh is what i used to do everyday, used to do...
every simple thing i do i get satisfaction, i feel happy.. even now i won the snooker game by 40 points, i don't feel anything..

i need n*******e..