chapter 73

today, i brave myself to tell the truth to my parents..
i purposely went all the way up to subang to collect my exam transcript, and then after that i went to hict to do all those application thing....
today is the worst day of all..
i was real depressed ever since i woke up early in the morning..
because the day before i've decided to tel them today..
i was like what i did i do i say i act and as long as what i do today is like not lancar at all..
i was real real damn worried about what is about to happen..
i do expect something bad to happen as in i noe my result is very bad...
and i also hope that the worst thing will not happen and hope that everything will not be that worst..

i really don't have the guts to tell my dad and i msg him...
i was really really stress..
after i took my transcript, i went to see ms. jaya and i saw my test paper, 1 word says it all, horrible... dun really wanna describe more..
of course i wish i can turn back time.. but i cant..
nad i cant register today because i need my parents signature..
but i did meet shao ying.. and chat a little..

after i went back home... i tel my mum...
and she did not scold.. she of course nag..
when my dad came home, i cannot even look at him..
after he ate his dinner, he told me that he doesn't want me continue studying in business anymore... he ask me to go to the government and go study language and become a teacher..
fuck lah wei!! tcher is a really no way for me course..
i was like real stress when he said that..
i try to tel him but he said, "u have prove to me that u cannot study"
then u no need to study this anymore..
i was like totally broke down, i canot even speak..
jus because i cant pass the only freaking stats and i was like being sentence to life..
i am totally speechless...

i know i have to blame myself for them to react like this..
but, i mean...haiz.. i really duno what to say...
the managment here said that they can let me continue my degree here... and let me wait till my results is out.. i mean i have to retake...mean the results will be on july... and they say i should not be a problem..

in this family, i have no one to turn to.. none..
it is like....
i cant tell my dad of course...
and i cant tell my mum because... i dun think i gotta explain more...
i cant tell my sis coz...she is like my mum...
my two bro is like the angle in my mom's eyes..
my youngerst bro... i hate him.. coz he really not only annoys me but he did things that make me wanna whack him...
this time.. i fell real hard... like i fell from the top floor of kl tower...
i seriouslly injured and there's no one i can turn to...
all i can do is go to my bedroom and looks at the wall and keep it to myself..
looks at the sky and thinking what is my next move...
i am really stress.... and very depressed...

for the 1st time, i got no idea on what to do...
i am out of idea...
i always help my frens to think all those stupid ideas and turn out that it actually works..
i always give advice and cheer them up
but now.. i m the one who is suffering the same thing.. and i have really no idea to handle this..
for the first time in my life, i have suffer this failure, and feeling like one...
i think i am one... in a way or another.
i have fell hard this time, and is suffering bleeding internal injury with cuts all over my body,
i would really appreciate if no one would apply salt into my wound as it will not improve the situation....
=(