no okays..
now i have another problem again...
after i have decided to take the part time while finishing my stats ...
THEN!!!
just when i tot everything will be fine...
the management call and say "u can now do ur stats paper here"
and then there goes the "war" begin...
they keep changing plans.. and i m damn fed up...
ok.. just for the sake of they said that "i have no rights to make decision" ..
ok.. i admit.. its all my fault for not studying well and play as hard as i could..
1st i said.. i suggest i wanna take both stats and degree in taylors and help..
they strongly object
2nd THEY SAID do stats in taylors then take up part time job...
ok.. i accept... den they object again...
3rd THEY SAID do stats and degree in hict...
ok, i accept.. DEN!! my DAD object!!
he say wan me to do my stats 1st which means after i pass...
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!
wat do they want me to do??
wat the fuck they want now?
i follow and obey what they say... and end up???
i am now so in depressed.. i duno wat to do??
all i want is just taking my last resort...
that is let me continue my degree and while i finish my stats...
is that so hard??
i know wat i promise now id of no use...
but can u just trust me for the freaking one last time??
i dont demand more..
tel me wat to do...
all of u sure will say y dun discuss with ur dad..
i tel u... NO POINT DISCUSSING when he already had the mind set
now wat i shuld do?? i listen to them then they just screw everything..
i noe all of u will say its my fault!! but dont u just give me another chance???!!!!
how hard is that!!!
i take loans and all!! i m NOT USING UR MONEY!! i m jus borrowing from U!
WAT THE FUCK IS SO STRESS ABOUT??? ALL THIS SHIT PROBLEMS IS JUST ANNOYING! I GOT SOLUTIONS FOR THE PROBLEMS AND THEN U JUST COME AND SCREW UP EVERYTHING!!! WATS THE POINT!!! FUCK U!! ya i know ITS MY FAULT.. SO?? U REFUSE TO GIVE ME MONEY TO CONTINUE MY STUDIES.. FINE!! I TAKE LOAN..
U JUST NEED TO BORROW A FEW K SO THAT I CAN PAY FOR MY FEES TILL MY LOAN COMES.. AND THEN U CAN JUST SCREW UP EVERYTHING?? WAT I HAD PLAN FOR MY FUTURE AND GIVING MY FUCKING UNREASONABLE ANSWERS?? IF U DON'T HELP ME?? WHO WILL?? OH YA I FORGOT,, I FAIL MY STATS THAT IS LIKE MY WHOLE WORLD IS GONE! I M A FAILURE!! I M JUST RUBBISH I CANT STUDY ANYMORE!! IZIT?? FINE!! WAT EVER U SAY!! I DUN GIVE A DAMN!
oh ya.. some of my stupid-iest fren say y dun u cry and see??
SHIT U ALL COZ!! I WILL NEVER CRY FOR WATS NOT WORTH FOR! CRYING JUST FOR THE SAKE OF SHOWING SOME PATHETIC FACE TO LOAN ME SOME MONEY TO STUDY?? IS IT WRONG TO JUS MEND THE PROBLEMS AND FIX IT... AND CONTINUE MY LIFE AND LET ME DO WHAT I WANT FOR MY OWN FUTURE!!!!
I AM SO TIRED!!! EVERYTHING MY FAULT!! OK, TRUE IT IS MY FAULT!! I ADMIT!! BUT I DO FIND WAYS TO MEND THINGS!! NOT ONLY I DONT GET SUPPORT BUT.. ALL THOSE RIDICULOUS REASONS AND ANSWER IS SOOOOOO!!! ERGH!!! ACTING LIKE AN ASSHOLE WONT MAKE THINGS RIGHT!
ya.. FAMILY FIRST!! BULLSHIT LAH!!! when i need u all the most where are u?? not only u just giving all those unreasonable bullshit and decide on everything and then wat.. u all cancel it and then give a hit on my head again and giving me another problems?? all i want is just.. loan me the sum of money to pay for my 1st sem and then when 2nd sem comes.. i will pay u back with the loan i m applying now.. wat is so hard?? the most concerned things u worry is that u will not get back ur money?? izit?? y dun i just work my ass off to pay u back?? or i just rob someone to pay u?? or i have to pay u some money as deposit??
my allowance is cut... ok fine cut... but this cut is way too serious for me.. not only make a big big hole in my pocket...and u also give me stupid reason!! sometimes i hate u rarely i love u coz i canot find a reason to love u and reason to hate u... but what i hate the most is that u always blackmail me with MONEY..we do have communication problems but is just that..sigh.. i dun wanna talk anymore la...
but u are the one who makes me realise..
"MONEY IS EVERYTHING"
all the problems that i face now is not from any factors from outside and from anyone else..
the factor of all problems is nowMY FAMILY!! ya!! how proud i m to say this.. but this is my blog!! who cares!! u like u read!! dun like jus press ALT+F4... i canot keep this in my heart any longer.. i will grow old sooooon...
i want to be the AMAZING GRACE i used to be.. if that is what ppl ask what i want.. i want to be ME again.. i am not running away... but everytime i m able to sort things out and get things done.. then another tsunami comes... sigh
for god sake.. i need some time off... doesnt mean that stop everything that i'm doing...
but just let me leave the house for like 2 or 3 days and go somewhere else or someone's house to have a good night sleep and is able to discuss matters peacefully... sort everything out and then only go back... can i??
home=house= palace/hell???
ans: HELL
the bengkak on my head is till there and it hurts.. sigh, damn suea larh... worst sometimes i get headache.. well... let us just sing the beetles songs shall we "LET IT BE"
=(.. i am tired.. i m sad.. i am depressed.. i m so down.. i m confused... and so tulan!!!
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