C h a p t e r 75

ok..
after i crack my head for so long.. and i have depressed and stressed for so freaking long..
where it has also effect my mood on getting in our national election...

and i've decided, to turn to my last resort..
that is the infamous PTPTN loan... where it is applicable to anyone
to continue my studies in very infamous HELP international college of technology...
geez.. i''m pathetic... but!
i feel very lucky and really feel very grateful MS.WONG, the ECU programme director coz she helped me out in getting the KLANG COMMUNITY SCHOLARSHIP.. which it will pay half of my tuition fees.. and she's giving me a 2nd chance, also trust me.. *SOBS

and its a relieve, and the rest i will pay the rest with the PTPTN loan...
and there is so much i have to do.. such as going to the bank..and etc..
i really have no idea on i will have to borrow ptptn loan.. geez.. things cant be predicted rit??
today.. i go apply everything and.. ya.. now it still goes well.. hope it goes well after that...

after that, i do feel quite relieve... and went pyramid shopping with QUEEN YING...
at last... then balik rumah after "strolling" around pyramid...
k lah.. i promise u..one day... i'll buy u the guess bag and purse for u la.. ok?? =)
but there are still a lot of things that running in my head, some doubt, worries and its not a good feeling... geez..

ok, next monday.. mean 2 days 1 day later..i'm going to start class... and today i just apply..
i m so last minute.. guess this i cant really changed...
jus like when foundation year, i was late 1 week and sunday i register, the next day, i go college..
i hope i can meet a friendly fren like mich la... really.. coz i m shy...haahaahaa!!!!
coz i'm not really good at meeting new ppl.. and i hope i'm not the one who ice breaks 1st.. i'm so no good at it...

*sigh* i really doubt i will be happy there... coz its only 1 freaking floooooor!!!!
worst than adp!!! omg!! how am i gonna survive!!! only cybers cafe for entertainment!!!
tiu tiu tiu tiu!!!!!
and sumore i have to retake stats in taylor's... MEANS...
i m so gonna be superwoman!!!! or ironwoman!!!!!!!!!!!
HAIZ.. tak han sei mge tak han peng..

but at least now, i can continue my studies..
although i might be look down by my own parents and also my own relative..
or always being scolded and nagged... but i dun care anymore..
i'm so gonna fuck them up if they started.. coz i can stand no more!!
no more unreasonable!!! no more!!!!
they try me.. then i will let them try..
home will just gonna be my hse where i eat and sleep if all these unreasonable fucking nonsense keep going in!!! i did that once and i can do it twice..

ok, now i am so not ready for the new school and new life here... where i m really bearing the responsibilities coz i'm taking loan..but the best is.. i'm gonna have my MONEY!!!! pocket money has been stopped supplied to me since last year... *sigh*.... and i got the scholarship interview next week.. so wish me luck...

LAST BUT NOT LEAST,

oK...
JMMKJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ATTENTION!!!!!!!!
NEXT WEEK I WILL DATE U ALLLLLLLLLL!!!!
better be ready for ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF NOT!! I WILL HUG KISS AND LICKKKK U ALL
UNTIL U ALL FEEL LIKE U'RE TAKING A BATH!!!!!

GRACE GAN
DAH KEMBALI!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

C h a p t e r 74

ok.. suddenly after i bath.. 2 minutes later..
eyo called... then 5 minutes later...
followed jason's car to zouk.... to attend L'OREAL STAR SEARCH
very farney.. but free ticket.. then go lor..

me, cheryl, boon chiew, jason, banana, jian nan went there to support our fren kah yunn...
but kesian la.. eyo and ee ling was there at 5 sumthing and we reach there at 9 sumthing...
hahahaha... kelian.. but nvrmind la... they go "pak to" 1st.. heehee
ya.. she's one of the finalist of the competition..
but.. tooo bad.. she din won..
the whole thing was boring also la..
some of my frens went back before the event finish, imagine how bored is that...
haaahaaahaaa....

erm, after the event,, we plan to go maison, reach there, seems like so little ppl...
then change plan again, we went barcelona..
but, cannot say we la, coz i did not follow them there...
coz yesterday i jus went... tong's birthday ma... VVIP room.. quite nice la...
i followed eyo's car home at 12.3oam ..see.. i am a changed person..*ahem*
i'm serious ok...

*sigh* no pics coz no camera... me so kelian...

but..before that

HUA HONG!!!!!!!!!! HAPPPPPPPPPPY BIRRRTTTHDDAAYYYYY!!!!!!

hehehehe.... not too late rit... really wanted to go celebrate with u guys.. but... erm... hehehe... u all din tel earlier... sorry lo... next year lah!!!! haaahaaa... tak da pic u la... so...

i give u... a picture of ur favourite dolphin


a brithday cake...
its from the heart.. secara ikhlas.. ;)

chapter 73

today, i brave myself to tell the truth to my parents..
i purposely went all the way up to subang to collect my exam transcript, and then after that i went to hict to do all those application thing....
today is the worst day of all..
i was real depressed ever since i woke up early in the morning..
because the day before i've decided to tel them today..
i was like what i did i do i say i act and as long as what i do today is like not lancar at all..
i was real real damn worried about what is about to happen..
i do expect something bad to happen as in i noe my result is very bad...
and i also hope that the worst thing will not happen and hope that everything will not be that worst..

i really don't have the guts to tell my dad and i msg him...
i was really really stress..
after i took my transcript, i went to see ms. jaya and i saw my test paper, 1 word says it all, horrible... dun really wanna describe more..
of course i wish i can turn back time.. but i cant..
nad i cant register today because i need my parents signature..
but i did meet shao ying.. and chat a little..

after i went back home... i tel my mum...
and she did not scold.. she of course nag..
when my dad came home, i cannot even look at him..
after he ate his dinner, he told me that he doesn't want me continue studying in business anymore... he ask me to go to the government and go study language and become a teacher..
fuck lah wei!! tcher is a really no way for me course..
i was like real stress when he said that..
i try to tel him but he said, "u have prove to me that u cannot study"
then u no need to study this anymore..
i was like totally broke down, i canot even speak..
jus because i cant pass the only freaking stats and i was like being sentence to life..
i am totally speechless...

i know i have to blame myself for them to react like this..
but, i mean...haiz.. i really duno what to say...
the managment here said that they can let me continue my degree here... and let me wait till my results is out.. i mean i have to retake...mean the results will be on july... and they say i should not be a problem..

in this family, i have no one to turn to.. none..
it is like....
i cant tell my dad of course...
and i cant tell my mum because... i dun think i gotta explain more...
i cant tell my sis coz...she is like my mum...
my two bro is like the angle in my mom's eyes..
my youngerst bro... i hate him.. coz he really not only annoys me but he did things that make me wanna whack him...
this time.. i fell real hard... like i fell from the top floor of kl tower...
i seriouslly injured and there's no one i can turn to...
all i can do is go to my bedroom and looks at the wall and keep it to myself..
looks at the sky and thinking what is my next move...
i am really stress.... and very depressed...

for the 1st time, i got no idea on what to do...
i am out of idea...
i always help my frens to think all those stupid ideas and turn out that it actually works..
i always give advice and cheer them up
but now.. i m the one who is suffering the same thing.. and i have really no idea to handle this..
for the first time in my life, i have suffer this failure, and feeling like one...
i think i am one... in a way or another.
i have fell hard this time, and is suffering bleeding internal injury with cuts all over my body,
i would really appreciate if no one would apply salt into my wound as it will not improve the situation....
=(

almost everyday the sky rains..
it rains continuously, everyday...
night after night,
day after day,
somehow i felt that the sky is crying for me...
and.. it is..

from this moment on, my life is gonna so fuck up until i will be fuck by millions of ppl that will include my parents... my life will be as suck as a drop out student who canot even finish foundation.. fact is the truth.. no point crying over spilt milk.. ya... i noe...
if accepting is as easy as saying.. the word "truth" will not appear in the dictionary...
if u know who and what are my family.. u will know that how torture and hell of life i am going to face..
i fail my bst again.. fuck me

C h a p t e r 72

29-02-2008
happens every 4 years.. spend the night with eugene, eyo, krun in mamak..
saying that we should appreciate the night.. damn crap

but, another incident happen to the house behind my house, my neighbour, anutie bee's hse kena rompak!! at 7-8am in the MORNING!! OMG!!! the robbers are damn damn daring!!
she was tied up and was pushed into the toilet.. was lock in the toilet..
and after the robbers left.. she can actually KNOCK DOWN the WOODEN TOILET DOOR!!
omg lah!!

this afternoon, i think evening already lar..
was watching Alvin and the chipmunks... enjoying and laughing the whole way..
suddenly pulak mich and xinyi msg telling my stats result came out edi..
from that moment onwards, i canot even laugh.. i was STUN!!
coz i have no confidence and no preparation at all!! coz i was told that it is out next friday..
o m g!! i m so fucking stress!!! and worry!!
plus later jaye called and ask me wif a down tone.. lagi makes me more stressss!!!
ooooh goooood!!!!
seriouslly until now i havent even got the guts to check my results...
GOD !!! HELP ME!!!

*cough* i m soooooooooooooooo stresssssssssssssssss
can someone kill me???!!!