i now now so damn fucking suei!!!
it is like the worst year of my life!!!
i m so pathetic!!!
bad things just happen to me... not just one thing...
but one things comes.. not even settle yet.. and another things happen!!
not GOOD thing... but BAD things!!!
fcuk!!!
its not only that...
i mean i am really in like HELL!!!
bad luck just comes and it wont go!!
not only wont go but it comes continuously!!!
and u know what is the "best" thing...
ya.. i damn fucking tulan!! now like everyday i am being nag and scold!!
and i cannot do MY thing in My house!!
my parents are being so UN-NEGOTIABLE and DAMN DAMN DAMN UNREASONABLE!!!
i m like...ergh i dun noe how to explain also la...

i dont wanna go home...
i feel so sick of the damn fucking so what ppl cal home
erm.. again.. not home.. is hell
i just want a place where i can rest my mind and just do my things..
i just want some support from the people who "make" me...
is that so hard...
y u just must b that mean to pour salt into my injured wound?
ergh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

C h a p t e r 82

had a wonderful and very unwonderful day... today... y??
coz its the spiderwick day and...BANG BANG day...
just let the pics do all the talking la...
in pyramid,
and of course we always do "our" thing

1ST ELEVATOR

2ND ELEVATOR

3RD ELEVATOR
and wow!!!

madeline, mich, kim, yawn

oh!! we really din realise that yawn was there

mich sempat take the pic b4 yawn... u noe... 3rd stage..wahahaha
"honey... anyone?"
=)

xinyi and mich

can guess who's shoe were those?

4TH ELEVATOR

5TH EVEVATOR

STILL IN 5TH


6TH ELEVATOR

7TH ELEVATOR
WOW!!!
we are FANTASTIC!!

elevator done then.....

in the TANDAS!!

take 1

take 2

take 3

take 4

take 5
if u wonder who ARE the link where to put the name
"human-pig-munks"
hehe.. now u noe..
nice name rit..

take 6
and finally done with the toilet taking pics

we do meet ron, eng sim and the gang also..

soon after i drop xinyi and kimmy off KTM...
and there goes the nightmare....
BANG!!!
in front of the freaking KTM!!!
and there goes my 538... becomes 444 because now i in need of $$$
i think this is one thing telling me its time to change my car rit, heheehhe

"fly money fly.. fly money fly... fly money fly... fly up to the sky...shalalalalaa"
ok its a song...

the pic mich has been waiting for..
=(

and ya..
last but not least... i have beeeeen very very very very very very very the suei!!!!!
i knock my head which is giving me headache now.. since like last week!!
and i look like a u noe the fish with a very super big head...
i bang my leg to the stupid gate...
blisters is conquering my legs...
and now..
my car...
lucky me huh...
fuck!! I NEED A LIFE!!!!

C h a p t e r 81

today... i actually "sent" my beloved MYERA TAN PICHAY to the KLIA airport..
hahahahah!!! i woke up at 7.30AM to........... call her la!!!!!!!! but at least i called her rit...
but my soul is really at the airport departure hall la.... *sobs*
damn sad leeeerrrrr..... separations do happen when all u can do is to adapt after that..

yup!!!! bye mAnGo...*sobs*
i shall come find u in SINGAPORE when i go back!!!!



ya.. of course after that i went back tidur la.. and i miss my finance class coz i forgot to re-set my alarm...!!! hhahaha!! good also la.. coz... all the class damn bOrInG!!!! i only enjoy business edge class ler...
oh ya!!! today.. we have our B.E class at STARBUCKS!!! wooooo!!! of course la the lecturer belanja us la... ya.. today my breakfast was ice blended mocha frappuccinos... hahahah!!!!!!!

MICH!!! LEEE!!!! SU SU!!!!!
wakakak!!! finally i SPOKE to my new frens.. yay!!!
let me see...erm...
Jeremy- HELP student
Syea Din- SUNWAY student
Gillian- already finish her diploma from this school also
Yee Mei- STAMFORD student
and another 3 still not yet lar, coz they din join us for discussion in library...
yes...LIBRARY...

sigh.. my problems still not solve yet... can someone just kill me...

C h a p t e r 80

no okays..
now i have another problem again...
after i have decided to take the part time while finishing my stats ...
THEN!!!
just when i tot everything will be fine...
the management call and say "u can now do ur stats paper here"
and then there goes the "war" begin...

they keep changing plans.. and i m damn fed up...
ok.. just for the sake of they said that "i have no rights to make decision" ..
ok.. i admit.. its all my fault for not studying well and play as hard as i could..

1st i said.. i suggest i wanna take both stats and degree in taylors and help..
they strongly object


2nd THEY SAID do stats in taylors then take up part time job...
ok.. i accept... den they object again...

3rd THEY SAID do stats and degree in hict...
ok, i accept.. DEN!! my DAD object!!
he say wan me to do my stats 1st which means after i pass...

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

wat do they want me to do??
wat the fuck they want now?
i follow and obey what they say... and end up???
i am now so in depressed.. i duno wat to do??

all i want is just taking my last resort...
that is let me continue my degree and while i finish my stats...
is that so hard??
i know wat i promise now id of no use...
but can u just trust me for the freaking one last time??
i dont demand more..

tel me wat to do...
all of u sure will say y dun discuss with ur dad..
i tel u... NO POINT DISCUSSING when he already had the mind set

now wat i shuld do?? i listen to them then they just screw everything..
i noe all of u will say its my fault!! but dont u just give me another chance???!!!!
how hard is that!!!

i take loans and all!! i m NOT USING UR MONEY!! i m jus borrowing from U!
WAT THE FUCK IS SO STRESS ABOUT??? ALL THIS SHIT PROBLEMS IS JUST ANNOYING! I GOT SOLUTIONS FOR THE PROBLEMS AND THEN U JUST COME AND SCREW UP EVERYTHING!!! WATS THE POINT!!! FUCK U!! ya i know ITS MY FAULT.. SO?? U REFUSE TO GIVE ME MONEY TO CONTINUE MY STUDIES.. FINE!! I TAKE LOAN..
U JUST NEED TO BORROW A FEW K SO THAT I CAN PAY FOR MY FEES TILL MY LOAN COMES.. AND THEN U CAN JUST SCREW UP EVERYTHING?? WAT I HAD PLAN FOR MY FUTURE AND GIVING MY FUCKING UNREASONABLE ANSWERS?? IF U DON'T HELP ME?? WHO WILL?? OH YA I FORGOT,, I FAIL MY STATS THAT IS LIKE MY WHOLE WORLD IS GONE! I M A FAILURE!! I M JUST RUBBISH I CANT STUDY ANYMORE!! IZIT?? FINE!! WAT EVER U SAY!! I DUN GIVE A DAMN!

oh ya.. some of my stupid-iest fren say y dun u cry and see??
SHIT U ALL COZ!! I WILL NEVER CRY FOR WATS NOT WORTH FOR! CRYING JUST FOR THE SAKE OF SHOWING SOME PATHETIC FACE TO LOAN ME SOME MONEY TO STUDY?? IS IT WRONG TO JUS MEND THE PROBLEMS AND FIX IT... AND CONTINUE MY LIFE AND LET ME DO WHAT I WANT FOR MY OWN FUTURE!!!!
I AM SO TIRED!!! EVERYTHING MY FAULT!! OK, TRUE IT IS MY FAULT!! I ADMIT!! BUT I DO FIND WAYS TO MEND THINGS!! NOT ONLY I DONT GET SUPPORT BUT.. ALL THOSE RIDICULOUS REASONS AND ANSWER IS SOOOOOO!!! ERGH!!! ACTING LIKE AN ASSHOLE WONT MAKE THINGS RIGHT!

ya.. FAMILY FIRST!! BULLSHIT LAH!!! when i need u all the most where are u?? not only u just giving all those unreasonable bullshit and decide on everything and then wat.. u all cancel it and then give a hit on my head again and giving me another problems?? all i want is just.. loan me the sum of money to pay for my 1st sem and then when 2nd sem comes.. i will pay u back with the loan i m applying now.. wat is so hard?? the most concerned things u worry is that u will not get back ur money?? izit?? y dun i just work my ass off to pay u back?? or i just rob someone to pay u?? or i have to pay u some money as deposit??
my allowance is cut... ok fine cut... but this cut is way too serious for me.. not only make a big big hole in my pocket...and u also give me stupid reason!! sometimes i hate u rarely i love u coz i canot find a reason to love u and reason to hate u... but what i hate the most is that u always blackmail me with MONEY..we do have communication problems but is just that..sigh.. i dun wanna talk anymore la...
but u are the one who makes me realise..
"MONEY IS EVERYTHING"

all the problems that i face now is not from any factors from outside and from anyone else..
the factor of all problems is nowMY FAMILY!! ya!! how proud i m to say this.. but this is my blog!! who cares!! u like u read!! dun like jus press ALT+F4... i canot keep this in my heart any longer.. i will grow old sooooon...
i want to be the AMAZING GRACE i used to be.. if that is what ppl ask what i want.. i want to be ME again.. i am not running away... but everytime i m able to sort things out and get things done.. then another tsunami comes... sigh

for god sake.. i need some time off... doesnt mean that stop everything that i'm doing...
but just let me leave the house for like 2 or 3 days and go somewhere else or someone's house to have a good night sleep and is able to discuss matters peacefully... sort everything out and then only go back... can i??

home=house= palace/hell???
ans: HELL

the bengkak on my head is till there and it hurts.. sigh, damn suea larh... worst sometimes i get headache.. well... let us just sing the beetles songs shall we "LET IT BE"

=(.. i am tired.. i m sad.. i am depressed.. i m so down.. i m confused... and so tulan!!!

c h a p t e r 79

ok....
now i'M having a dilemma...
plz help me by giving me ur comments or idea or just anything that can help me out..

now if u have known that i m currently taking my degree in hict...
but.. in a conditional offer... means i still have to finish my stats... in taylors...
if that is the case.. i have to fly 2 place a week...
which my sis, aunt and parents are seriously objecting it...

and they are suggesting that i finish my stats in taylors sambil take up part time job...

but i feel that it is like a waste of time coz only 2 classes in a week.... and i think of taking both...
havent think of the "worst case scenario" means wat if i got trouble in both... coz they say is very rush.... and of course they also very very very afraid that i cant cope it...HOW!!!!!!!


WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!
PART TIME + STATS...
OR
DEGREE + STATS = KLANG AND SUBANG
OMG!!!!!! =(c

hmmm... now all the unisa students and all my beloved unisa friends..are all in STRESSSSS...
due to the tons of assignments and exams..
so kelian them...
so... maybe this can cheer them up...


james call to make a sentence from 1 till 10..

1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me.. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7 -eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.

then after that.. he did the other wat.. from 10 till 1

10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my
boss and told him I was 6 . He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work.
He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1

haahaa!! amazing!!

oh ya, before i forget...
if u understand chinese... and is freee....PLZ DO VISIT THIS LINK!!! not only will make u addicted... but... hahahahah!!!!

C h a p t e r 78

okays..
updates for the past few days...

on wednesday.. i was very happy and glad that...finally meet up with my beloved JMKJ..X the other M is missing... sad.. not really a great "ROYAL FAMILY REUNION"
did catch up a bit, went ice breaking in mcD with MADELINE and CHEE CHING with XIN YI while waiting for them to finish class..
after that madeline and chee ching went to lecture... but not the others, hmm.. very bad...
did visit jaye's new home... very "warm", comfortable, cosy and .. when u went in the room u can just feel the "love" la... hahaha!!! if u know what i mean..heeheehee!!!
after that i did meet my beloved cute sexy adorable pretty and "missing classes" MELINDA.C..

i've think of one thing.. MELINDA.C is hotter than the spice girl's MEL.C
she can really talk like and M.C
his dad works for MCa
i think when she went out to work.. she will take a lot of MC
coz the way she go to college shows it all...
and i think her company will be the most successful PR company is the whole world..
naming her company M.C SDN. BHD.

~grace.G~

had lunch with her.. and then way she off to another destination to meet her gang.. hmm.. still happening as ever...
i was in subang until about 6 sumthing after that went bah kut teh with jaye... ya.. the bah kut teh in MY place...

Friday i suppose to go for the orientation, but i did not go coz.. i know it will be damn BORED!!! and we have to wear the school t-shirt.. and it is even more ugly then the taylors wan... so its a NO NO NO!!!

OK, about my college.. i mean uni..wow sounds so.. "wah"
actually its 2 thumbs DOWN... so is BOOOOO!!!
lets talk about my new life here...
erm...

the WHOLE INTAKE has only 6 HUMAN..
the school aircond is freaking COLD!! like having class in freezer!!
MEL!!! i need my SWEATER back!!!! ok..
for the first time i had BACKACHE!!! because of the stupid chair that is real uncomfy!!!
i only OPEN MY MOUTH when i YAWN!!!
i only SPEAK when i answer question...
ya.. so great...now it actually rains everyday...
and,
i WENT HOME STRAIGHT after class... ya, home... jesus christ!!
there is NO ENTERTAIMENT at all!!!
all of us are TOO SHY to talk to each other...
oh god!! and it has freaking 1 FLOOR...
and the classroom is like the combination of taylor's male and female RELIEF POINT !!!
wow!! so big!!!! everywhere is so freaky..

ok, lets stop complaining about the facilities... i mean what can i expect more.. geez..
lets talk about the lecturer, i was amazed by the quality of lecturer, and they are good...and friendly
ok,
finance lecturer- young, somehow cute, and she makes the class interesting.. a bit boring
econs lecturer- she is friendly but she likes to make simple thing complicated... her class the the most boring of all...now i miss mr.andrew...
accts lecturer- he is quite sissy, like mr.andrew la!! hahah!!! his class is also boring!!
business edge lecturer- he is the best coz his class is interesting, i always awaits his class to come.. he is funny and he is sometimes weird.. he makes everyone talks and we might be having our next class by next month in starbucks!! haahaa!!! cooooool!!!!

oh my god!!! i've gain weight!!!!! gotta lose some before.... i duno..
ok.. now i do realise that i really gotta buy some new clothes coz.. i actually got ntg to wear!!!
geez... anyone?? shopping?? no money!!! me better go dream!!! TKK la!!!

oh ya!! today YUKIKO actually called me up!!! from australia!!! me happpy sgt!!!
hey, sorry ya, i was sound sleeping and was very surprise...
if u all wanna know.. she is enjoying her life and uni there... good luck my fren...

i got and interview on monday about the scholarship... so people.. wish me luck..
omg.. monday start class again... and i cant believe i say this..
I DON'T WANNA GO SCHOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =(

c h a p t e r 77

ok.. today was the 1st day to the HELP international college of technology..

Q:how's college?
A: okok... below average.. taylors is millions time better..

Q:how's the toilet?
A: i still got no idea where it is..

Q:how's the lecturer?
A: my business edge lecturer is funny, outspoken...but somehow stupid.. but he morning calls student... thats real cool... we might call him uncle victor.. he is darn friendly
accts was quite bored...

Q:meet any new fren?
A:nop.. coz i'm shy... heehee... seriious laaa...

Q:how's ur loan and all those stuff??
A: it is so complicated.. if u want to noe.. i have to explain to u... one on one.. but better not la.. coz.. u will be so bored...

ok.. now only i know that my course is an external course..
means all my assignment and exams got to be "export" to australia for the lecturer there to mark...
and my presentations will be recorded to be "export" to them for evaluation..
wow!! is it a good or bad thing?
omg!! i'm eating lunch alone!!!! omg!!!!

all the loan thing is really fed-ding me up la... it is so like complicated...
before i get the loan and scholarship thingi...
my dad has to pay for the 1st sem and of course i will give him back after i got all those those.. but..he sooooo reluctant... and really giving me the feeling like i m going to persuade him to invest into "skim cepat kaya"..i mean fake investment la... omg!! i jusy hate it la..
and of course, he's not paying my fees and is like lifting a big burden out of him and still when i ask for my allowance and he is like giving nonsence and talk as if he should not give me a penny coz he dun wan me to continue business...
wth!! he is acting like i jus did rob a bank!!! shit hell i duno how to explain also...

but my timetable is quite rush.. 4 hours straight without break...
monday to thursday -- 9am till 1pm
but thursday-- 9.30am till 1.30pm
friday-- off

ok.. i cant wait for wednesday and thursday coz i'm meeting the GANG!!! hahahah!!!!

C h a p t e r 76

ok.. tommorow i got class at 9a.m..
there goes the start of my degree...
its so fast, now i don't feel like going to college...
its like mimpi... yesterday i was so devastated.. tommorow, i'm going to college...
i think time really flies..

the time table is really weird.. its the 1st week and i already have lecture and tutorial...
sumore 2 hours tutorial... jus like foundation... when i see the others and mine.. mine is like so weird... got tutorial class wan wor... hmmmm...
duno lah!! dun care...
now i'm worried is that i don't know how many ppl are there to attend the ECU programme..
coz it is the 1st time ECU join venture into malaysia college.. so... i duno lah...

and ya..my previous tuition teacher who teaches me accounts when i'm in form 4 and 5...
is teaching me again now in hict.. coz he's the lecturer there... so... haiz... same face again.. hope he wont call me like how mr.andrew did.. hahaha... in LT1.. hehehehe... hope i wont feel asleep also... and I HAVE NO ONE TO CRAP WITH!!!! WTF!!!! MEANS I WILL BE SITTING IN THE LECTURE HALL.. LISTENING TO THE LECTURER TALKING!!!!! OH F*********** .. this is real serious problem!!
remind me to buy sweets... ergh!!!!! can bring psp to go play...
OMG!!! SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!! WHO I'M GOING TO HAVE LUNCH WITH!!!!
and my class always end at 1pm.. except friday.. i got no class..duno is good or not...

ok... not gonna make a fuss about that... but.. i'm scared of being lonely... ohhh... shit....
i really don't know how to explain to my dad about the scholarship and the loan...
like a monkey talking to a chimpanzee... i also duno how to explain la..
and now i know that we really have communication problem... a serious one...
ok.. forget bout that... don't want that stupid prob to effect my mood..

so... i am so not ready for tommorow... its like 1st day to school for the primary 1 kids..
a lot of thing just running thru my head... ya.. like obama running for the president...
very fan ah...


wish me luck people... nitez..

C h a p t e r 75

ok..
after i crack my head for so long.. and i have depressed and stressed for so freaking long..
where it has also effect my mood on getting in our national election...

and i've decided, to turn to my last resort..
that is the infamous PTPTN loan... where it is applicable to anyone
to continue my studies in very infamous HELP international college of technology...
geez.. i''m pathetic... but!
i feel very lucky and really feel very grateful MS.WONG, the ECU programme director coz she helped me out in getting the KLANG COMMUNITY SCHOLARSHIP.. which it will pay half of my tuition fees.. and she's giving me a 2nd chance, also trust me.. *SOBS

and its a relieve, and the rest i will pay the rest with the PTPTN loan...
and there is so much i have to do.. such as going to the bank..and etc..
i really have no idea on i will have to borrow ptptn loan.. geez.. things cant be predicted rit??
today.. i go apply everything and.. ya.. now it still goes well.. hope it goes well after that...

after that, i do feel quite relieve... and went pyramid shopping with QUEEN YING...
at last... then balik rumah after "strolling" around pyramid...
k lah.. i promise u..one day... i'll buy u the guess bag and purse for u la.. ok?? =)
but there are still a lot of things that running in my head, some doubt, worries and its not a good feeling... geez..

ok, next monday.. mean 2 days 1 day later..i'm going to start class... and today i just apply..
i m so last minute.. guess this i cant really changed...
jus like when foundation year, i was late 1 week and sunday i register, the next day, i go college..
i hope i can meet a friendly fren like mich la... really.. coz i m shy...haahaahaa!!!!
coz i'm not really good at meeting new ppl.. and i hope i'm not the one who ice breaks 1st.. i'm so no good at it...

*sigh* i really doubt i will be happy there... coz its only 1 freaking floooooor!!!!
worst than adp!!! omg!! how am i gonna survive!!! only cybers cafe for entertainment!!!
tiu tiu tiu tiu!!!!!
and sumore i have to retake stats in taylor's... MEANS...
i m so gonna be superwoman!!!! or ironwoman!!!!!!!!!!!
HAIZ.. tak han sei mge tak han peng..

but at least now, i can continue my studies..
although i might be look down by my own parents and also my own relative..
or always being scolded and nagged... but i dun care anymore..
i'm so gonna fuck them up if they started.. coz i can stand no more!!
no more unreasonable!!! no more!!!!
they try me.. then i will let them try..
home will just gonna be my hse where i eat and sleep if all these unreasonable fucking nonsense keep going in!!! i did that once and i can do it twice..

ok, now i am so not ready for the new school and new life here... where i m really bearing the responsibilities coz i'm taking loan..but the best is.. i'm gonna have my MONEY!!!! pocket money has been stopped supplied to me since last year... *sigh*.... and i got the scholarship interview next week.. so wish me luck...

LAST BUT NOT LEAST,

oK...
JMMKJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ATTENTION!!!!!!!!
NEXT WEEK I WILL DATE U ALLLLLLLLLL!!!!
better be ready for ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF NOT!! I WILL HUG KISS AND LICKKKK U ALL
UNTIL U ALL FEEL LIKE U'RE TAKING A BATH!!!!!

GRACE GAN
DAH KEMBALI!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

C h a p t e r 74

ok.. suddenly after i bath.. 2 minutes later..
eyo called... then 5 minutes later...
followed jason's car to zouk.... to attend L'OREAL STAR SEARCH
very farney.. but free ticket.. then go lor..

me, cheryl, boon chiew, jason, banana, jian nan went there to support our fren kah yunn...
but kesian la.. eyo and ee ling was there at 5 sumthing and we reach there at 9 sumthing...
hahahaha... kelian.. but nvrmind la... they go "pak to" 1st.. heehee
ya.. she's one of the finalist of the competition..
but.. tooo bad.. she din won..
the whole thing was boring also la..
some of my frens went back before the event finish, imagine how bored is that...
haaahaaahaaa....

erm, after the event,, we plan to go maison, reach there, seems like so little ppl...
then change plan again, we went barcelona..
but, cannot say we la, coz i did not follow them there...
coz yesterday i jus went... tong's birthday ma... VVIP room.. quite nice la...
i followed eyo's car home at 12.3oam ..see.. i am a changed person..*ahem*
i'm serious ok...

*sigh* no pics coz no camera... me so kelian...

but..before that

HUA HONG!!!!!!!!!! HAPPPPPPPPPPY BIRRRTTTHDDAAYYYYY!!!!!!

hehehehe.... not too late rit... really wanted to go celebrate with u guys.. but... erm... hehehe... u all din tel earlier... sorry lo... next year lah!!!! haaahaaa... tak da pic u la... so...

i give u... a picture of ur favourite dolphin


a brithday cake...
its from the heart.. secara ikhlas.. ;)

chapter 73

today, i brave myself to tell the truth to my parents..
i purposely went all the way up to subang to collect my exam transcript, and then after that i went to hict to do all those application thing....
today is the worst day of all..
i was real depressed ever since i woke up early in the morning..
because the day before i've decided to tel them today..
i was like what i did i do i say i act and as long as what i do today is like not lancar at all..
i was real real damn worried about what is about to happen..
i do expect something bad to happen as in i noe my result is very bad...
and i also hope that the worst thing will not happen and hope that everything will not be that worst..

i really don't have the guts to tell my dad and i msg him...
i was really really stress..
after i took my transcript, i went to see ms. jaya and i saw my test paper, 1 word says it all, horrible... dun really wanna describe more..
of course i wish i can turn back time.. but i cant..
nad i cant register today because i need my parents signature..
but i did meet shao ying.. and chat a little..

after i went back home... i tel my mum...
and she did not scold.. she of course nag..
when my dad came home, i cannot even look at him..
after he ate his dinner, he told me that he doesn't want me continue studying in business anymore... he ask me to go to the government and go study language and become a teacher..
fuck lah wei!! tcher is a really no way for me course..
i was like real stress when he said that..
i try to tel him but he said, "u have prove to me that u cannot study"
then u no need to study this anymore..
i was like totally broke down, i canot even speak..
jus because i cant pass the only freaking stats and i was like being sentence to life..
i am totally speechless...

i know i have to blame myself for them to react like this..
but, i mean...haiz.. i really duno what to say...
the managment here said that they can let me continue my degree here... and let me wait till my results is out.. i mean i have to retake...mean the results will be on july... and they say i should not be a problem..

in this family, i have no one to turn to.. none..
it is like....
i cant tell my dad of course...
and i cant tell my mum because... i dun think i gotta explain more...
i cant tell my sis coz...she is like my mum...
my two bro is like the angle in my mom's eyes..
my youngerst bro... i hate him.. coz he really not only annoys me but he did things that make me wanna whack him...
this time.. i fell real hard... like i fell from the top floor of kl tower...
i seriouslly injured and there's no one i can turn to...
all i can do is go to my bedroom and looks at the wall and keep it to myself..
looks at the sky and thinking what is my next move...
i am really stress.... and very depressed...

for the 1st time, i got no idea on what to do...
i am out of idea...
i always help my frens to think all those stupid ideas and turn out that it actually works..
i always give advice and cheer them up
but now.. i m the one who is suffering the same thing.. and i have really no idea to handle this..
for the first time in my life, i have suffer this failure, and feeling like one...
i think i am one... in a way or another.
i have fell hard this time, and is suffering bleeding internal injury with cuts all over my body,
i would really appreciate if no one would apply salt into my wound as it will not improve the situation....
=(

almost everyday the sky rains..
it rains continuously, everyday...
night after night,
day after day,
somehow i felt that the sky is crying for me...
and.. it is..

from this moment on, my life is gonna so fuck up until i will be fuck by millions of ppl that will include my parents... my life will be as suck as a drop out student who canot even finish foundation.. fact is the truth.. no point crying over spilt milk.. ya... i noe...
if accepting is as easy as saying.. the word "truth" will not appear in the dictionary...
if u know who and what are my family.. u will know that how torture and hell of life i am going to face..
i fail my bst again.. fuck me

C h a p t e r 72

29-02-2008
happens every 4 years.. spend the night with eugene, eyo, krun in mamak..
saying that we should appreciate the night.. damn crap

but, another incident happen to the house behind my house, my neighbour, anutie bee's hse kena rompak!! at 7-8am in the MORNING!! OMG!!! the robbers are damn damn daring!!
she was tied up and was pushed into the toilet.. was lock in the toilet..
and after the robbers left.. she can actually KNOCK DOWN the WOODEN TOILET DOOR!!
omg lah!!

this afternoon, i think evening already lar..
was watching Alvin and the chipmunks... enjoying and laughing the whole way..
suddenly pulak mich and xinyi msg telling my stats result came out edi..
from that moment onwards, i canot even laugh.. i was STUN!!
coz i have no confidence and no preparation at all!! coz i was told that it is out next friday..
o m g!! i m so fucking stress!!! and worry!!
plus later jaye called and ask me wif a down tone.. lagi makes me more stressss!!!
ooooh goooood!!!!
seriouslly until now i havent even got the guts to check my results...
GOD !!! HELP ME!!!

*cough* i m soooooooooooooooo stresssssssssssssssss
can someone kill me???!!!